I think I fucked up.
As per the usual, feelings and vibes are completely unintentional things that just…happen sometimes. But what happens when you think that you can handle just feeling it out with someone because you connect so well…even when things don’t line up 100%. What happens when someone drops into your life and you go from knowing what you want and what you don’t want to wondering if you’d be making a huge mistake pushing them into a place in your life that you know they don’t belong. What the hell are you supposed to do when two people that complement you so well drop into your life at the exact same time and you find yourself gravitating somewhere in the middle. What do you do when there isn’t a single “yeah I’m gonna need this to stay strictly platonic” in sight? How do you go about exploring your emotions without damaging one or both people in the process? How the hell did I end up in this situation?!
I don’t want to hurt either man that just walked into my life. I “see” them both…but I see each of them in very different ways. Part of me is practically screaming at me to swing one way and hope that the other can understand and remain a good friend…but I also know how wrong that is. I don’t think that anyone else has ever pulled me in any direction like this. He hasn’t flipped my world upside down but he’s definitely pulled me into a place that I never thought I would step into for someone. I never saw myself being caught between people. But here I am. Fucking stuck and it’s not even a bad place.
I’ve never wanted to give so much to two people at the same time.
I don’t know that I’m ready for this.
But I know that I don’t want to deprive myself of any feeling….especially when you can feel the care.